Think about it… every single thing we do intends to give us happiness. Yet sometimes we get diverted and do things that move us away from this goal.
We all have the potential for genuine happiness. There is no genetic marker that determines who will be happy and who will not. We make choices throughout our lives. The result of all these choices combined determines our level of happiness. Make the right choices and happiness can be yours.
Here are a few of the tactics we can use in an 11-point roadmap to help guide us toward genuine happiness:
1. Look for the positive in everything. There is an old saying that nothing is good or bad. What makes it one or the other, is your reaction to it. Find the positive and you will be happier. Those who soar against all odds, do so because they look at the positive that could come out of their situation.
2. Highlight the positive. We all grow up with a positivity imbalance. This is the result of society’s norms and rules that use more restriction and punishment. We do better with more approval and reward. From a young age, we learn what we must not do instead of what we may do. Even in day-to-day life, there is more negative influence than positive. Luckily you can work to improve the balance. Celebrate the positive and work to get more of it. When you achieve something, congratulate yourself! Look for things you find uplifting, that make you happy. Get more of that! At the same time, reduce your exposure to negative input. This might be the daily news or people you don’t feel good around. You know your buttons so make sure you push the positive ones more than the negative.
3. Practice good selfishness. As children, we learn that putting our interests before the interests of others is wrong. This is particularly true for women. Women often sacrifice their dreams and ambitions to help others achieve theirs. It is also common in the business world as the company is often seen as more important than the individual. It is good to help others and we should where we can. We should also have boundaries to protect ourselves from manipulation and abuse. You are important, and if you don’t look after yourself in all senses, you cannot expect anyone else to do so.
4. Listen to your feelings. All feelings are useful. Every feeling occurs for a reason: it is delivering a message. Sometimes that message is pleasant, other times not. We tend to distract ourselves from unpleasant feelings. This is often through behaviours such as smoking, drinking or drugs of one kind or another. When you feel bad, you should identify the reason.
5. Give of yourself. The more you give, the more you receive. Unconditional giving is so rewarding. It seems that the more of yourself you give, the greater the thrill and uplifting effect on your psyche. Help the needy. Give time if you can.
6. Make it happen. You can make things happen using your mind. Top athletes and business people use it, and so can you. There are many ways of doing this. One of the common methods is to use visualisation. You do this by getting a picture in your mind of whatever it is that you want to happen. It does not have to be a visual picture; it could be a feeling, a smell, a sound, or any combination of the senses. Imagine finding the perfect parking near the supermarket entrance as you arrive. The sky is the limit, but persevere! We are not used to utilising this tool, so it takes practice.
7. Accept the things you cannot change. We resist things we don’t like and often spend a lot of energy on resisting. We should work to understand those things we cannot change, and then move on. Use that saved energy on something more worthwhile and productive. This is not to say that accepting anything should meet your needs. If you desire change, you should work towards that change. It can be damaging to your wellbeing to worry about something without working to change it.
8. Take responsibility for your choices. Everything that you do, or don’t do, is because of the choices you make. It is easier to blame outside forces for things that go wrong in life. This blame is detrimental to your own wellbeing. You should recognise that your life is the sum of all the choices you make along the way. Sometimes that choice is to let somebody else choose on your behalf. If you tend to blame other people or things, it may be scary to take responsibility for what happens in your life. Remember that it is quite liberating. You realise you are the cause of everything good you achieve. Accept responsibility for your life.
9. Schedule regular time to yourself. Spend some time analysing where you are in life. What are your strengths and weaknesses? How can you turn the latter into the former? Think about your views on everything (your job, global warming, the existence of aliens etc.). Research! Then work out why you feel the way you do. Is your reasoning sound? The better you understand yourself, the better you understand the world.
10. Make time to meditate. We spend almost all our time thinking of the past or planning for the future. We seldom spend time in the present. It has reached a point where, for most of us, it seems impossible to keep our focus on what is happening right now. Your meditation could be formal meditation or prayer. It could be as simple as focusing on each breath as it goes in and out for five or minutes.
11. Remove your limitations. Usually, the reason we fail, is that we don’t see ourselves as able or worthy of whatever it is that we fail to achieve. Most often, this belief is false. It is the result of negative programming received since childhood. The truth is that most of us can do most of what we want to do but have to believe. The best way to start is with small things, working your way up as you notice the limits dissolving.
The more you use these eleven points, the happier you will be, and the happiness will last!
Kelly Winter is a self-care guru from Stockport, Cheshire. You can contact her here at www.theimperfectcactus.com, on Instagram (@TheImperfectCactus), Facebook (@TheImperfectCactus) or Twitter (@ImperfectCactus). ‘The Guide to Boosting Self-Esteem‘ is Kelly’s debut self-help guide which is available on Amazon.